Shining Heart

Ya'll. this was too redonk not to share

( in which social media sites became humanized )

And if you actually read that, I AM PICTURING THESE GUYS SO HARD AND I CANNOT GET THEM OUT OF MY HEAD AND I HATE THAT I'M NOT A BETTER ARTIST BECAUSE, YOU GUYS THEY NEED TO BE DRAWN.

I'm going to open this post with a bit of a preamble, so bear with me.

I judge people based on footwear. I can't help it, but I think your choice in shoes (or lack of) says a lot about you. Take, for instance, one trip to the zoo in which I saw a woman wearing five inch stilletos. We're not talking a small zoo, this was like, the Baton Rouge zoo which is a fairly good sized place. What her footwear said to me was: I care more about looking pretty than having feeling in my toes.

Now then, on to the actual matter at hand. Imagine my significant confusion when I witnessed a pair of shoes today that couldn't decide between being slippers, sneakers, or boots.

"Now wait a minute" You might be saying, "I can see a pair of shoes confused for two things, but three?"

yes, dear reader. Slippers, sneakers, or boots. They came just above the lady in question's ankles, flaired a bit at the opening but were made out of a distinctly slipper like material in the ever fashionable grey and the actual foot of the beast looked like a sneaker. Studded with a menagerie of shiny silver baubles, of course.

This particular fashion choice was noticed near the Coushatta gift-shop, in which all I wanted to do was bug the gift shop workers for a few minutes but alas, this was not to be. I was quiered by a worker whether or not the rooms had wi-fi and was then given a finger point to the guest who was posing the question.

It was scary shoe lady, and I realized the shoes were the least of her offenses to the fashion industry.

Her hair was poofed so far away from her actual head I worried about her walking near anyone holding a cigarette. (actually, I lie. My initial thought was "holy hell, where's a lighter when you need it/oh my god, THAT'S where the hole in the ozone layer came from. I am truly a terrible person) but I was immediately distracted from the travesty of a hair style by her eyes.

Not that I actually noticed what color they were or anything. No, I was distracted by the hot pink glitter eyeshadow. And folks, I use the term glitter lightly. Edward Cullen glitters, this woman looked like she took a bedazzle machine to her eyelids.

And what? she was asking me a question? I'm supposed to think when I'm staring at something that could probably blind small children if it so chose to walk out in the daylight hours?

I won't lie, this was not one of my finer moments. My brain tends to shut down a little when presented with shiny things. You know how that little green light on a computer blinks rapidly when it's processing things? Yea. I blink rapidly when trying to process things like WHY IS THIS CREATURE SPEAKING TO ME?

Eventually I managed to stutter out a somewhat lackluster answer ("how do I log onto the wi-fi?" she asked. "M-make sure your computer's turned on?" I replied) before scurrying back to my den of darkness and sharing my discovery with my cohorts.